WHO OR WHAT MADE YOU A MOM?
Technically, my oldest nearly five years ago, but the older I get and the more years I have in my mothering journey, the more I think about how the maternal instinct isn’t suddenly turned on with the birth of a child. We mother in so many ways and moments, and for many of us, that starts years before having children is part of our story (and it’s why I’ve felt really strongly about making the Mother’s Day messages we share on In Kind every year be directed to women more so than just mothers). The thing I find the most fulfilling about motherhood is giving another human a supportive space to explore—letting them feel safe to try and dream and do—and I realized I started doing that much earlier than becoming a mother. I started laying the groundwork for who I am as a mother as a camp counselor I think, as odd as that might sound. It was the first place I learned to love and live with the special magic that comes with creating space for individuality and exploration.
A RECENT BIG LITTLE MOMENT…
Being reminded that our children are watching us constantly and letting our actions inform their ideal is truly breathtaking. As a writer, seeing my daughter create lists and stories or make a “magazine” has pulled at my heartstrings recently.
DAILY RITUAL?
I keep this five-year journal in my bedside table and opening it each night is so special. I love writing down a few quick things, big or small or simply things I’m grateful for. Now that I’m three years in, I really love re-reading what we were doing on that exact day in the past, whether it was a big moment or just some small element of our day-to-day life.
THE ADVICE YOU DIDN’T TAKE
The thing I find most dangerous for me as a mother is the vast ocean of completely well-meaning advice shared on social media. I don’t take any of it, because I’ve mostly scrubbed it from my feed (I think people are shocked to hear I don’t follow Dr. Becky). Kids are so different and women are so different, and the few times something has popped up in my orbit or been forwarded to me, I invariably start doubting everything I do and think and believe. It relates to one piece of advice I’m very glad I did take when my firstborn was weeks old. My mother told me that I was her mother and no one knew my baby like I did. That meant something differently when she was two weeks old versus now, but the idea is still the same. I believe your instinct is always going to serve you better than what someone is posting on Instagram.
THE ADVICE YOU NOW GIVE
To fill up your own cup and focus on what makes you tick and dream and feel fulfilled as a person. It will make you a better person and a better mother. There’s a Jung quote I love— “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents”— and I think about it often. That if mothers shelf a part of themselves in order to tend to their children, there’s a risk it will not only drain your life of color but also affect your children when they’re older. Kids can sense and see when a parent is happy and engaged and following their own dreams, whether that’s a 2-year-old noticing how happy their mother seems or a preteen watching her pursue her own hobby and joy.
YOUR WISH FOR EVERY MOM
To push guilt as far away as possible, if not fully obliterate it. If your child is fed, clothed, in a bed at night, with multiple people who love them and are taking care of them, you are a fantastic mother, period, end of story. I wish we could all stop feeling guilty or questioning ourselves and remember that simple fact.
